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On Happiness

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“If you want to be happy, be.”
-Leo Tolstoy

When my father was 82 he “retired,” now he works four days a week. He turns 90 this month and is the happiest person I know. He has had three different types of cancer and the challenges which that entails. Since his first diagnosis 30 years ago, I have sat beside him when he was close to death on numerable occasions, then watched incredulously as he at some point made a decision, “I’m not finished with life yet.”

Happiness is a choice. It’s hard to believe this sometimes, when things get messy. Moment by moment we create our life, and our self, by the choices we make. We decide how to react to a given situation and in doing so must take responsibility.

My father loves splitting wood. Over the years he has cut, and stacked neatly, cord upon cord to keep the fires burning for his fireplace and those of each of his seven children. Something burns very brightly within him. I have never heard him complain, not once. Smiling through it all, from someplace deep inside, he is at peace with who he is, and what he is. He has kept life simple: his family, his faith, his work, his garden.

It would be difficult to find anyone who would admit that they want to be miserable, given the choice between happiness and its alternative. Yet daily, I observe stressed, depressed, emotionally spent individuals looking for healthier, happier and more fulfilling lives. I doubt we consciously think, “I choose to go through this painful situation at this time, in this way,” but if it has manifested, then on some level we have done just that. What would it take to be happy? For some it would mean giving ourselves permission, believing that we deserve to be happy. For others, imagining what happiness looks like would be an enormous stretch.

When Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going,” he didn’t mean keep going in hell. It is easy to prolong, and get stuck in, times of difficulty. We stay because there is comfort in the familiar, even if it means getting burned. I’ve heard that prairie fires can burn in a wall of flame one hundred feet high. If one runs from it, it will pursue. To survive one needs to run through the fire; the wall is not that thick. There is no such thing as insurmountable odds, only limiting attitudes. When we decide to move forward we will find the way - the therapist, yoga class, health food store, the friend to trust, not to hold our hand, but to tell us the truth.

It takes courage to say, “In this moment, I am where I’m meant to be, experiencing what I need, and have chosen, to experience.” My Sensei would say, “Our higher self will always put us in the place of highest possible learning, never give up”. We get to decide, I am okay, I can get through this, and I choose to be happy. There comes a point where it makes no sense to keep repeating what does not work. If one is alive, one chooses life – happiness comes with the realization that it is a choice to live it fully.

“To live is the rarest thing, most people exist, that is all.”
- Oscar Wilde

Late one night recently I was with my father while he was vomiting and I noticed how spent and fragile he appeared when it was over. The next morning I arrived to see him on a ladder filling his bird feeder. His body may be aging, but his spirit is indomitable. He keeps on going; until one day he will not.

The motto of Tonic magazine is: Live smart. Live well. What would that look like? In the coming months I will explore living life in balance through such topics as Living Without Stress/In Harmony With Life’s Circumstances, Breathing, Diet, Meditation, Sleep, Exercise, Beauty (for the soul).

Life is the ultimateTonic.
Be. Happy.

 

Joan Foley
 Is a Zen Shiatsu Therapist / Director Rosemont Healing Arts, dedicated to promoting health, well-being and inner calm.
http://www.rosemonthealingarts.com


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