I never learn. I have this awful habit of talking about stuff before actually getting to it, or even fully thinking it through. i.e., “I’m going to tear out all the grass in the yard and redo the landscaping.” You say something enough times, and then you have to follow through. So, yes, I did end up redoing our backyard. Although it took me 18 months of blah, blah, blahing about it before I took on the much-bigger-task-than-I-thought-it-was-going-to-be exercise of landscape architecture. (Thank god I didn’t articulate my plans for a water feature).
Last year Naomi made it known that she wanted us to get chickens, so that we could have fresh eggs every day like we experienced during a family vacation to Tuscany. So, after some initial research, I agreed, verbally, aloud, (and apparently irrevocably). And, because I like shocking people at dinner parties and general shit-talking, I began to muse about the chickens...a lot.
Here’s some important things to know about chickens that I didn’t need to research online. 1. Somebody has to look after them; and 2. Nobody at casa Bussin (including my egg-desiring wife) actually stepped up to commit to the care of the hypothetical birds. It was all going to rest with me.
So naturally I stalled. I cited by-laws. I hypothesized raccoon attacks (not far-fetched). I mused about the noise and smell factor. I postulated angry and rat-finking neighbours (which wasn’t true). And when all else failed I played my trump card, and deflected by promising that we would get a dog. Which I hope our Aussiedoodle Ellie never finds out about, because nobody wants to be a chicken consolation prize, and I don’t feel like shelling out for dog psychotherapy.
In answer to the question you’re thinking, Ellie bought me six months’ reprieve. That’s it. Naomi starting making noises about the chickens again. And I foolishly played to form and encouraged the discussion in public. So I’m right back to where I was last year, verbally committed to getting chickens. Except this time, there’s no yard to transform or new puppy distraction. I’ve talked myself into a corner. The chickens are pending. And perhaps I’ll finally learn my lesson and not let my mouth get ahead of me. No more talking before delivering the goods.
....except for this issue of Tonic Magazine. It’s really, really good. On The Shelf features gluten-free snacks, as May is Celiac Awareness month (p.29). Michael Murchison will tell you how much edible cannabis you really want to eat (p. 31). Carlyle Jansen explains about the ‘Magic Triad of Pleasure’ and women’s orgasms (p. 26). Joel Thuna and Claude Gallant share natural remedies for constipation (p. 34). As always, please feel free to contact me regarding anything you’ve read in this issue of Tonic...or if you can think of any way out of this chicken situation I find myself in.