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Sex-Ed

Creating Your Own Content

Sex can be empowering. Filming yourself having sex can also feel empowering, fun, exploratory, taboo, and more. Some find that it helps them feel better about their body and validates their sexiness, for those who are not too self-critical. Even if you are shy or not an exhibitionist, you can still create something that you will enjoy sharing or watching again. Of course, in using any technology, we have to be conscious, careful and smart about the details.

The great thing is that you get to choose the how, what, where, who and why of what you create. You decide who is in it: yourself and/or anyone else, and how identifiable everyone is. You choose how it is filmed, what takes place and what happens with the footage.  Here are some considerations before making your very own sexy film.

Start talking Consent is a key element in sex. We cannot be pressured into consent.  Pressure and threats invalidate any agreements. Make sure you talk through the following points and any potential scenarios before agreeing to film yourself- or anyone else. Take time before you make any decisions. And know that, no matter what happens, you can always change your mind later and delete any footage.

Talk about whether you want to be identified or not. You can use masks or a wig or clothing to conceal your identity, especially if you have body-identifying markers such as tattoos or scars. You can also use dim lighting to make those filmed harder to identify.

Decide on what activities you feel comfortable doing. Oral? Intercourse? Striptease? The more specific you are in any negotiation, the more empowered all parties are to play within those parameters.

Figure out where the film or photos will be stored and who will have access. You can use a password protected file that requires both of you to open: when prompted for the password, one of you puts in the first five characters, then the other puts in the second five. This way no one has access without the other. Of course we all want to trust our partners. Doing what is smart and safe however does not imply lack of trust. It indicates respect for all parties. It is also important to acknowledge that sometimes people violate agreements, especially when relationships turn sour. If you are insulted that your partner wants to make any footage extra secure, then perhaps you are not ready to share sexy photos or videos together. If you use a less secure method, be very clear about what can or cannot be copied or shared or uploaded. Uploading to a cloud is more risky. And think about what you call it. Should someone steal your computer, they will be less interested in hacking into “Vacation in Siberia” than “John and Mary’s Sex Tape.” It also makes it less embarrassing if your kids find the file name on the computer.  

And talk about what is to be done if you break up or if one of you no longer is comfortable with the existence of the footage. Remember that written agreements, while more tedious to write out, are are much better at remembering the details and conclusions of our negotiations than our memories.

What do you want to film? You have many options to just be yourself or to spice it up a bit or even to perform.  Role play and/or dress-up is one avenue. Or you could try something new and enjoy the awkwardness of discovery and fumbling with each other. Choose music that sets the tone you are looking for and that helps you forget that the camera is there. If you are a bit nervous, start off wearing something you feel confident and sexy in. Undressing can actually be one of the sexiest parts.

How? You will need a camera. It does not have to be fancy. Many a fabulous film and photos have been created on smartphones. Use a gopro attached to your head to see what sex looks like from each other’s perspective. Or place it on an arm for a more artsy view.  Get creative with angles: from your feet, from the side, or even from the ceiling if you can attach your camera to something hanging. If using a tripod, you can reposition periodically. Anonymity is also easier to preserve the closer the shot; and some find close-ups sexier since you can only see parts of bodies and have to use your imagination and the sounds to fill in the blanks. Try to use natural light, which means mid-day sex. Or try it by candlelight for a more mysterious feel. Coloured light bulbs add another dimension of imagery to the set.

Now what? How do we use them? Like any porn - you can use it to get yourselves in the mood, especially if there are fantasies, bodies, sexual expressions that you have not found in porn. Trade files with another couple you trust. It is a great way of testing out opening up a relationship or expanding your monogamous experiences. Submit to a film festival where they promise to show it only the night of the event. Festivals such as Hump, Toronto International Porn Festival, Berlin Porn Film Festival and CineKink are all options of places you can be seen on the big screen, but won’t have to worry about a video circulating that your kids or employers or coworkers might see (especially if it is screened in another city). Make some money off of your sexiness. Makelovenotporn.com is a revenue-sharing site where anyone can upload their scenes to be watched by others around the world and where you get half of the proceeds of each sale of the clip.

Who knows? You may enjoy it so much and get such awesome feedback that you decide to create more content more often!

 

Carlyle Jansen is the founder of Good For Her, a sexuality shop and workshop centre in Toronto. If you have questions or comments, email carlyle@goodforher.com or go online to goodforher.com