This is the Year!
I won’t call it a resolution, because it isn’t. But I’ve made a decision: 2016 is the year that I talk about running a marathon. Currently I’m what you’d call a fair weather runner. When it’s above freezing I’m good for at least one 10-14 km. run a week. But I don’t run for time, I rarely run with anybody else, and I’ve never run with any specific goals in mind.
When you run regularly, it’s inevitable that people ask you if you’re training for something (because, why the hell else would you possibly run?). And when you tell them that you’re not, it feels like you’re somehow disappointing them. As if my running has no true purpose. I get that. What’s the point of the boring, self-inflicted physical abuse, without a payoff?
So I’ve decided to get out in front of the issue this year and tell everyone I’m thinking of running a marathon. Full disclosure: I will not actually be running a marathon. 26.2 miles is much too far, and I don’t really want to. I’m just going to talk about it ...a lot. I’m going to engage everyone for their opinion. I’ll wear an Apple Watch or FitBit and constantly fiddle with it. All of my regular runs will be referred to as “training runs”. When I do my usual spin classes or boot camps, I’ll be “cross-training”. And when I drink too much or eat too much pizza and pasta, I’ll be “carbing up”. Most importantly, it’ll give me a talking point to deflect that I’m turning “The Age That Can Not Be Named” in May.
And in the end nobody will remember whether I actually ran a marathon or not. I’m so blatantly competitive, most will presume that I did. So, it’s a win-win. I’ll continue to reap the benefits of a balanced workout regimen, save my knees and hips for a rainy day and really impress people who aren’t paying close attention the minutiae of my life (so, basically everybody). I invite all of you loyal Tonic readers to join me in exercising regularly for no other purpose, while pretending to have lofty goals. #mymarathon #runningforit #fakemilestone2016
There’s no fakery in any of the articles in the February issue of Tonic. For those equally wary of taking on a marathon this year, Joel Thuna and Claude Gallant explain why taking small steps is better than setting unrealistic fitness goals (p. 31). Rod Macdonald thinks that subconscious conditioning will help you with your hard workouts (p.35). For the lovers (not fighters...or runners) among you, sex expert Carlyle Jansen debunks sex-toy myths (p.26) and Natural Health Expert, Michelle Pobega has six tips to help prevent winter blues. (p. 20). As always, if you’d like to discuss this note or anything else you’ve read in this issue of Tonic, please feel free to contact me.