You Only Live Once
Don't Wait To Create the Pleasure You Want
Many people talk in their last days of living, about their joys and their regrets, often passing advice to friends and loved ones on what they learned about how to live life to the fullest. But we can also be proactive in fulfilling our lives by being reflective in the “here and now” on what brings us pleasure and joy and how we would live life differently if given the chance. Take the opportunity today to challenge yourself to create the experiences, relationships and *yes* moments that you want, almost as if these were your last days on earth.
Experiences You Don’t Want to Regret Missing
Imagine for a moment that you knew that you had only one or maybe five sexual experiences left in your life. What would you ideally like those experiences to be? What would you need to do or change to make those experiences a reality? Being proactive means taking the opportunity to reflect on what is working and is not working in your erotic life today and how you might create the sex you want - now!
Some people say that they don't know or have ideas about what they want or insist that they don't have fantasies. A book of erotica is a good place to start to recognize and cultivate our own fantasies. There are books for every taste: heterosexual, lesbian/ gay/ queer/ trans, or a mixture of a bit of everything. Soft or edgy, long with lots of build-up or short and to the point, there is something for everyone. Read a few stories on your own or with a partner and watch your imagination flourish.
Create Your Own Erotic Stories
Once you have some ideas, write out a few scripts for the erotic stories that you would love to star in. How and where does each one start? How is everyone dressed? Who initiates and how: flirty, suggestive, seductive, confident or dominant? How does the other person in the story react? Do they give in, resist, surrender or play hard-to-get? Describe what happens in point form or detail and indicate the general flavour of the interaction: tender, rough, adventurous, passionate, or healing. Continue the details of what happens and how until you find an ending that feels satisfying and full.
Make Your Stories a Reality
The next step is to think about what you would need to do in order to make your erotic stories happen. Do you need to learn some skills? Do you need some advice on how to translate the story in a safe way? Do you need to work on your confidence? Would it help to have a specific outfit or some toys? How can you safely challenge yourself outside of your comfort zone? The goal is to create an experience that you really want to do. It might feel slightly uncomfortable, but this is the fertile place where learning and growth happen. Do not push yourself to do things that are “no”s for you or your partner or will set you into panic. A slight challenge can be enough to create the excitement and fulfill your new experiences and desires.
Is there a conversation that you need to have with your partner? Make Valentine’s Day last longer by sharing one or more of your erotic stories with each other on date night or via email if that is easier. Talk about what, when and how you want to make it happen. If you are single or not partnered, you can have a conversation with yourself about how you might create great solo adventures. We can learn a lot about ourselves by exploring new sexual desires whether we are partnered or not. Your erotic story can tell you more about what you are looking for in yourself and/or in a relationship.
Save Your Stories
Hang on to your precious and personal erotic stories. Make sure that you commit to doing them before the year is over. A journal or diary or scrapbook are great places to keep them once you have enacted them. They can serve to chart your journey in your erotic exploration as a fun reminder when you look back on your life. You can then, at the end of your days, reminisce with pride and without regret that you took the time to create the sexual life that you desired.
Carlyle Jansen is the founder of Good For Her, a sexuality shop and workshpo centre in Toronto. If you have questions or comments she can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or go online to goodforher.com